S1 Ep. 6 | CALIFORNIA GOODBYE Hawaiian Signing
Sometimes a sign requires a signing
As I come to terms with finishing writing a major book, prepare my Oakland apartment for a subletter while I work in New York on a new mobile app project, my bestie Chelsea and I were at Los Hellas airport about to board our flight to Honolulu for a planned girls trip when my project in New York sent an urgent message “Urgent: We Need to Chat” and I felt a deep hole in my stomach because I knew that it could not be good. These guys in New York were a quirky bunch. Not specifically technology abled, they paid well for a simple on-demand app and were likely (although unconfirmed) mafia.
I looked at Chelsea who shrugged her shoulders as to if I should take the call before or after our four hour flight. I decided to make it a quick one and called the ringleader of the app group, Roger Klein who was frantic:
Me: Hello, Roger? How goes it?
Roger: Hi, Ella. Well we are bit stressed here there’s just so many unanswered questions
I had done a million apps similar to this one and found myself confused as this was one of the easier app ideas on the planet—an app to order private chef’s to cook for dinner parties. How hard could it be? Instead of insulting Roger I placated him.
Me: Sure Roger. What’s going on? What are you stressed about?
Chelsea starts to roll her eyes as she does not take these clients of mine seriously either…
Roger: I just, well, it seems like a lot is happening at once and I want to make sure I understand and have a handle on things
Me: Well as you know you picked out the name, logo, we did the draft of designs you approved a few days ago and now we start organizing the developers
Roger: Hrm. Well okay but what does that mean? I’m very stressed. There’s too many moving pieces happening at one time
Me: Roger, you contacted me to have a mobile app built. Do you want a mobile app built?
Roger: Yes
Me: Right and that’s what I am doing, is making you your mobile app. Are you sure that you want this app built?
Roger: Of course. Yes. Its important to me, to us, my partners and I, everyone
Me: So that is what is happening. The app is coming to life. What else are you worried about?
Roger: What data are you using? How do you know the names and emails of the private chefs?
Me: It doesn’t matter right now. Like normal we will use placeholder data. What matters now is the flow of the app, the steps, the profile pages etc. Once the functionality works then later we put in the correct data
Roger takes a huge sigh of relief. He is clearly stressed about this or something else that is making him stressed about this app. I can feel the tension instantly go away
Roger: Phew okay, so no one has given you emails and phone numbers yet?
Me: Not that I know of? Besides I don’t need exact details yet. Like I said we need to build the functionality out first
Roger: Okay, I see. I thought that maybe my partner Dom had sent you an excel sheet with some names and numbers
Me: No, Dom hasn’t sent me anything and I don’t need anything…yet
Another huge sigh of relief exists from Roger. It comes to me as strange so I try to remember that this might be his first ever experience building a mobile app
Me: This is perfectly normal Roger. As of right now everything is going smooth, the developers will provide their scrum report in a few days and all is set. There is nothing to worry about
Roger: Alright Ms. Taylor. I trust your judgment.
Me: Now if its okay, I have a meeting I’m stepping into are you all good?
Roger: Yes, I am now. Thank you for clarifying and speak to you soon
I notion to Chelsea I’m wrapping up the call. She’s holding both of our iced coffees and starts to swirl and shake them both being playful as the plane is boarding passengers, and to be annoying.
Me: Have a good one Roger I will send a recap report to you by morning
I hang up the phone call, grab my iced coffee from Chelsea as we get on the plane together
Chelsea: What was that about?
Me: Nervous client. Probably just the first time app jitters or something. He’s fine now
Chelsea: Aloha it is, cheers bitch
Chelsea takes her iced coffee and toasts it against my iced coffee as we board for Honolulu.
Beach Time
Settling into our beach facing hotel room I can’t shake the weirdness from my call with Roger. I know he’s nervous about the mobile app but there was an eery feeling about his panic that I could not forget. The seriousness of it, over a spreadsheet I was never emailed seemed so… bizarre.
Feeling already a bit jet lagged Chelsea and I get settled into two lounge chairs on the beach.
Me: I just feel a bit… weird or stressed. Something doesn’t seem right
Chelsea: That’s because you need more ALOHA…like this
Chelsea pulls out a marijuana joint from her bag under her chair
Me: Chelsea!?!?!? Please do not tell me you flew this over with us! Is this even legal in Hawaii?
Chelsea: No dude, never. I messaged some vaguely suspicious character who is in a online forum with me that had a friend in Honolulu who had a friend that works at our hotel and had them leave a few rolls for me in the bathroom before we checked in
Me: You what?
Chelsea: I did not fly drugs to a different state. Let’s light this baby up!
Without any hesitation she has a lighter in her other hand and fires up the joint. After a few puffs she hands it to me, the less experienced one. I take a tiny inhale and as I do a hotel worker walks by, it’s the person who takes drink orders from beach goers.
Chelsea: Excuse me! Excuse me, sir! Hi Yes Sir!
Chelsea puts the joint into the sand which immediately stops any smoke or fire from it, she slides it under her beach chair to hide it from the employee…
Chelsea: We would like two of the fruitiest drinks possible which have alcohol. And not because I’m gay, like literal actual fruit
Worker: Would you like two of the same or should I bring two different types?
Chelsea: Two different ones would be great. Mahalo!
The worker walks away and Chelsea grabs her joint from under her chair brushing off the sand
Chelsea: few more puffs of this and I will be on island time, you feel me?
I roll my eyes at Chelsea the way she rolled her eyes at me back in the airport. I realize too with the time change I should email the mobile app guys around dinner so that when I’m sleeping in Hawaii they are at ease.
Chelsea: You need to learn how to relax Ella
Me: I am relaxed. Look, I’m even wearing a bathing suit under this skirt that is how relaxed I am
Chelsea: You are 100% not relaxed. This is supposed to be your book-moon. You should be proud that you have the book done and ready for the next thing
Me: I’m relaxed, ish
The hotel worker comes to us with a tray and two very ridiculous fruity drinks with all kinds of pieces of fruit sticking out and straws
Chelsea: That’s what I’m talking about! Some fruity, drinkie-poos! Thank you kind gentleman!
We both grab whichever drink is closest to us and cheers. The worker disappears quickly as if he’s mastered the art of mysteriously entering and leaving spaces
Chelsea: Ella congratulations. I’m proud of you girl, let’s relax and enjoy these few days of peace while we both have it. Love you
Me: Love you too!
I start to feel a bit of whatever weight has been holding onto my body slide off. Chelsea is right. I should relax. I enjoy a few minutes of the water view and boozy drink before an odd looking guy approaches our beach chairs, looking at both of us
“Hello, one of you is Ms. Taylor… correct?”
Sign On The Dotted Line
Confused and a bit stoned (or maybe buzzed from the fruity drink?) I feel mistaken that this guy is asking for me, but by my exact last name?
Me: Excuse me, did you say Taylor?
Guy: Uh yes. Yes ma’am. I’m looking for Ms. Ella Taylor?
Chelsea looking very much stoned and paranoid stares at the guy who gives off informant vibes while wearing a shoulder bag. He looks extremely out of place for a beach setting.
Me: Yes, that is me. How can I help you?
Guy: Oh perfect!
The Hawaiian man takes a stack of papers out of his shoulder bag along with a pen.
Guy: Do you have a minute?
Me: Sure
He motions to walk back to the hotel out of the sand. Chelsea stares at us both suspicious and also too high to care, she goes back to her fruity drink and sunglasses.
Guy: Hello, yes, sorry to both of you but I guess you bought a property in California and the escrow is closing? I need your signature, actually a lot of signatures on these papers from the title company. Sorry to ruin your beach time.
I find myself completely annoyed. Of course I’m at the beach and within the first hour there’s some bullshit to stress me out. I start to also feel more regret and anger at this book creeping into the schedule and taking too long, its late launch is pouring into every corner of my life.
Guy: I’m Terry Bongola by the way, nice to meet you
Terry holds out his hand to shake mine, he is very energetic, maybe too energetic.
Terry: If we can just find a table this shouldn’t take more than say twenty… or twenty five minutes
ME: TWENTY FIVE MINUTES?!?!?!
I want to scream and now feeling as though I should have had more of that joint Chelsea passed me earlier. I turn around to look at Chelsea on the beach, she’s relaxed and enjoying herself so I know she will be fine.
Terry: Sorry again. We have to have these documents signed before the end of today Hawaii time. Luckily then we can ship them overnight for Oakland. Sorry
Me: You are just doing your job, I get it.
After what seems like an eternity I sign my name over and over probably thirty different times. Terry stands there the whole time like a missionary, I finish the stack of papers to sign and hand them to him. He looks them over, put them in his shoulder bag then brings out an ipad
Terry: Just one more signature! Here, on the iPad as proof that I came to you
I squiggle on the iPad happy to get the moment over with. Ironically having it done takes some weight off of me stress wise that I did not know that I had. I feel better than before maybe because I knew this was looming over me? I walk back to the beach chairs where Chelsea is almost in a weed coma, fruit drink straw in her mouth half awake
Me: Sup dude I’m back. Had to sign some stuff
Chelsea: dats good. Can we finally chill out? Ms. Chilly Mc-Chilly super duper not stressed girly
I look down to see my drink melted tilting in the sand next to my chair
Me: Yes girl, we can chill now