S1 Ep. 3 | CALIFORNIA GOODBYE Those Who Eat Together
Its Important to have a seat at the table
Just a week or so ago I was finishing writing a book which was so all consuming, that in a few months would be printed and in stores all over the world. However, right now, I’m in a huge conference room in New York surrounded by dark suit wearing men who want a mobile app built and I’ve already accepted their money and promised to build it. Whatever it is.
My Nigerian godfather Chibuzo is convinced these guys are mafia and as I find myself at a conference room table sitting across from nearly a dozen of them, he might not be wrong.
Rogers asks me if I’d like something to drink and I’m so shell shocked I feel obligated and ask for a Diet Coke assuming he would get it for me. Instead another man in a suit across the room, closest to a beverage area instantly grabs a crystal glass cup, scoops some ice from a bucket and pours a very fresh and crisp Diet Coke into the cup, then gives it to someone else who brings it across the room to me. Roger simply stares to make sure his army is functioning.
I take a mandatory sip as a room of men stare at me seeking approval. I nod “yum” so they all relax a bit in their respective positions.
Roger certainly leads the pact with a smoothness I admire
Roger: Well thank you Ms. Taylor for coming here today. We are honored to have an expert like yourself
Me: You are too kind Mr. Klein, thank you
Roger: Please, its Roger
Me: Roger it is then
Roger: Since time is money I will, we will, cut to the chase. We have this idea and we need someone of your caliber to build it out. Money is not an object. We want to build a mobile app that helps people hire private chefs for dinner parties. We were thinking of calling it SousTek. Like Sous Chef and also many of us have lawyers in the family so it’s like being “Sued” get it? Cute right?
I take a moment of pause because I can’t tell if this guy is being serious of messing with me. An app for private chefs? With the ability to get mixed up for a word around lawsuits, he can’t be serious?
Roger: We already have some wireframes and design ideas. Here’s one logo idea we have
He shows me on a printer paper some logos. He is 100% serious about the idea and I’ve already spent my first consulting payment, my body fills with dread
Roger: What do you think our next steps are Ella?
Omg… he has a logo and idea…thats it? That’s all there is? I choke as I take a sip of my Diet Coke…I stare at Roger like a deer in headlights
Me: Well, I think you have to first think about the TAM or Total Addressable Market and if there’s a big enough use case for it
Roger: We don’t care about that
Me: What? What do you mean?
Roger: Oh yeah we don’t care. We want to build it. Besides you never know how big a market is until you create it, right?
The whole room of men in suits nod in agreement. Okay he is definitely some kind of boss, of something.
I sit there in more disbelief as it’s nearly against everything of my whole career to spend the money to build an app that could be potentially so niche. I’m shell shocked. Speechless. There is no turning back.
Me: Well in that case I guess you should think about the steps for hiring? Finding? Selecting a chef? How does that work?
Genius! One guy in a suit in the back of the room shouts, he’s already excited. Roger is mulling over what I said, his hand is on his chin.
Roger: Smart. I see now why you are one of the best. You’re right we need to think through the steps. How much would that cost?
Me: Excuse me?
Roger: How much would that cost, you know, to hire someone to think out the steps?
Coming from Silicon Valley and having been around technology experts my whole life, I cannot believe this conversation is happening. If Chelsea was here she would absolutely roast these guys. I can’t believe I’m here. These are not stupid men yet when it comes to mobile apps they are not even from planet earth, no wonder they sent me $50,000 without asking more
Me: To be honest, usually myself or others come up with the UX map or some kind of map of user flow. Also there are usually design mockups or wireframes made that can also help the process. I can’t say there’s a person who’s only job is to figure out the mobile steps, its more of something that happens organically and quickly
Roger: Invoice me
Me: Excuse me?
Roger: This sounds important. Send me another invoice for $50,000, that should speed up the steps right?
My mouth must have fallen off my face because I had to use every nerve in my body to keep my composure. I also couldn’t say no to the type of money Roger was willing to throw at me. I had an ethical debate around explaining the steps to the mobile app could be figured out rather quickly or taking another large payment
Roger: What else?
Another guy who had been quiet until that moment holds up his platinum credit card “I got this payment Roger don’t worry about it”
Roger: What else can we do? What else is there?
Me: Well, if you know the name, have the logo and figure out the steps then it’s really about design and coding after that to make the pages of the mobile app. At the end its database stuff like the actual information like Chef name and billing, how to charge users
Roger: Wonderful. Should we pay for all of that right now?
A different guy in a suit hold up his hand “I got that payment Roger” and the vibe starts to get weird. I’ve walked into something but I feel confident I can build whatever app and walk away from this
Me: No no, no need for any further payments than that. Design can be expensive but thats okay
I smile at the guy who held his hand up offering to make payment. This is weird.
Roger: Alright so we have our work cut out for us here. Ella will figure out the mobile app steps, design some pages and I guess we do some backend techie stuff after that. Is that right Ella?
At this point I’m shaking I’m so terrified. I either found the easiest highest paying clients in the world or I’m about to end up in the East River.
Me: That’s right gentleman. That’s exactly our steps
Roger: Great! So thats the plan then. Send us invoice #2
Roger stands up and comes to me in a polite way and shakes my hand
Roger: Its been a pleasure doing business Ms. Taylor. Speak soon.
And like that, all the men in suits stood up at the same time and I knew that was my calling to leave. I felt empty inside almost nauseous, I nervously held onto my Diet Coke in a crystal glass before realizing I couldn’t take it with me. I set it down on the expensive conference room table.
This was going to be either the easiest project of my career or a total nightmare.
Dinner with David
Walking away from the meeting with the “boys” made me realize how fast it actually was-it took me longer to get into the conference room from all the security checks than the meeting itself was: which was about nine minutes. This didn’t make sense, maybe I had been holed up writing my book for too long? Had I lost touch with society?
I was questioning every single memory and experience that I had in my brain up until this moment in my life. However as short as the meeting was it did mean I could meet David for happy hour before our planned dinner instead of just dinner.
I texted David to meet me around the corner at a posh bar from the sushi place we had reservations at and he obliged. Getting to the bar before David I did not hesitate ordering an alcoholic drink when after a couple of sips he surprisingly entered the bar, looking very cute in his work clothes and jacket, it made me think what a handsome boyfriend he could be. A girl could dream. He kissed me on the cheek before sitting down.
David: Well, how did it go? You gonna do the app?
Me: I think I don’t really have a choice
David: What do you mean? They held a gun to your head?
I spit out a sip of my drink clearly still on edge
David: Calm down it’s just a metaphor. Geez Ella. This is New York not Baghdad.
David notions to the bartender who recognizes David and makes a drink of sorts. David’s drink slides across the bar perfectly as he picks it up and has his own sip “ahhhh” he says.
Then he just stares at me, giving me my cue. I don’t even know where to begin
Me: I have to do this project because I’ve already accepted their first payment and they are ready, already, to make a second payment
David: Whoa, Ella, killing it
I cringe again. He keeps picking all the wrong words if only he knew
David: ITS ANOTHER METAPHOR! Mazel Tov. This is such great news so are you moving to New York? Need a place to stay?
He winks at me, and if there was ever a time I wanted this adorable Jewish man to even hint at co-habitating with me it was definitely not after I think I somewhat took a job for the mafia.
Me: I’m not sure they want me to or I have to live here…yet? Right now we are merely putting the basics together. Overall yeah I guess you could say it went well they are serious about building their app
David: I knew it. I’m sure you wow’d them. Who wouldn’t want such a beautiful, talented woman like Ella Taylor on their team?
David lightly strokes my leg as we sit at the bar. He is clearly messing with me now only this time is he actually hitting on me?
My mind flashes to the mobsters in the conference room, I look down at David’s hand on my leg. I almost pass out
David: Ella! Ella hello? Are you okay? Should we go home or you still okay for sushi?
I realize my brain is going sideways so I try to keep it together. Snap out of it Ella. Two weeks ago all you wanted was for a big billable project and the attention of David; today you got both. Don’t mess this up.
Me: Toda… I’m fine I just need another drink. And then later let’s still do our sushi
I smile at David with a flirty look and flip my hair a bit out “Let’s see where the night takes us”