Royal analyst, Filbert stood at the doorway in disbelief, at my disbelief, as to why he was asking what a termsheet was.
I explained to him all the spreadsheets he worked on, each row which listed a startup, if it was venture capital backed each company OBVIOUSLY has or has multiple termsheets which got it to its funding level whatever stage it was at.
That in the last two years he has (unknowingly) been handling thousands of termsheets he only needed to ask?
I could tell this wasn’t giving Filbert the visual I thought it would so I asked some more questions because surely I was confused.
Me: Are you looking to understand what termsheets are or see an actual termsheet?
Filbert: the actual termsheet. What does it look like? How does one write one?
My mind starting rolling backwards reflecting on all the various meetings and decisions made in the last year with guys like Filbert that nearly changed the course of venture capital as an asset class and here we are, he is wondering how to write a termsheet?
Filbert continues…
There’s about four of us we have been doing research on what termsheets are and we sorta understand but we cant figure out how to write an actual termsheet. Like the terms and whats in them.
It was becoming more difficult to even understand how I was feeling. Was I dumb for following the advice of people like Filbert or….
Flabbergasted I started to think how it would sound if I told this story aloud back home in New York. People wouldn’t believe me—one of the most educated analysts working for the Nellerland government who’s sole purpose is venture capital doesn’t know what a termsheet is?
I was off the fast track of Wall Street and starting to think I was in a European preschool not international business centre.
Getting Seeded
My brain thought of the various ways to insult Filbert, or to get angry and question his past decision making but ultimately I went the silicon valley route:
Me: You know there’s templates online right?
Like actual templates per stage like Seed Stage or Series A and online calculators to help you make up terms. There’s probably tons now I think you can even do your whole seed rounds online with Angellist or other platforms. Seed stage termsheet templates have been online since I was a founder in 2009…
Did you even… try googling “seed termsheet” or “startup termsheet”?
And without acknowledgement I watched as the lunchtime coffee, post lunch cookie and the Derchie rosiness drain down head to toe on Filbert’s body.
He went from slouching on the doorway like a cool high school captain to nearly a robot. Shoulders straightened, he tried to keep a neutral face but I could see the sheer panic in his eyes before he quickly said “dank je wel” before sprinting down the hall to his desk inside the royal office. I heard his desk chair roll like a racecar slamming into the overpriced table in his suite. keyboard clicks began whirling, Filbert wasn’t thrilled at himself either.
A much as I was now embarrassed and realizing I had wasted three years of my life in Nellerland teaching fish how to fly, it gave me some solace to know this dudes brain was about to implode on something I worked on in more than ten years ago! Wild.
As the Friday afternoon wrapped up it was time to decide if I would fly “home” to my boyfriends in Switzerland or stay in Amsterdam working. Despite Filbert not knowing what a termsheet was, I knew he would still clock out by 4pm so the building would be nice and quiet with just a few Americans on the grind over the weekend. It could give me an opportunity to make a come back?
With only two major pitch meetings on my calendar left before officially losing my launch, I needed to go hard before I go home. Any other sacrifices to get to this point are merely sunk costs even if in my personal life. You can never go back on time so I ordered two days of takeout food and holed up in my office. Monday’s pitch was going to be PERFECT!
Weekends are for the Weak
Taking naps on my keyboard, living off anything which can be made with hot water, I grinded all weekend on my upcoming pitch.
The concept was that banks should offer venture capital as a product to consumers and as a starting point pensions (which is pooled consumer money) could invest into venture capital as an asset. How that looks differs, yet liquidity could be an issue if high net worth persons wire money out of banks to VC funds after a while the bank loses the AUM and the opportunity to collect fees.
My solution: Venture Forward. If pensions allocate a small percentage to venture capital around 1-5% of total AUM this would not be enough to cause risk however if the structure and diversity applied enough could make for more than a 10% total increase in AUM.
The tricky part is the structure but luckily that’s all I’ve been doing for two years besides eating croissants.
Europe was unlike America where the harder your worked the more you seemed to be rewarded, yet I was starting tho think this didn’t apply in Europe. Look at Filbert. His salary is three times mine, he works 1/10th as hard as I do and apparently you don’t even need to know what termsheets are!
This weekend was my second to last push. If my American grit couldn’t save me or venture capital now then venture was broken.
By Sunday evening my bank presentation looked perfect. I took myself to the centre or Amsterdam for a late night café where I could sit outside and eat something warm not made from an office pantry. On my ipaid I flipped through each page delicately, confident, I had mastered it all. My friends in Switzerland checking in and why I missed the festivals “I’ll be home next weekend don’t worry” I texted back to most. Their pictures on Instagram made all the events look perfect of course.
I tucked myself to bed in the hotel near the office I used during crunchtimes setting out my business clothes for the next day. Baby was going to save things in the final hour.
The Big Preso
Monday morning felt the most normal I had felt in nearly a month. With the stress of Filbert behind me I had one goal and only one goal—to get the Derch bank to agree to the venture product we’ve been discussing. All the feedback from dozens of meetings across all the pensions and eighteen months of hard work coming down to this final moment. My best American designers worked on it, I double checked all the maths. This was it.
My pitch slot was for after lunch which seemed a lucky slot. Awaiting in the completely grey and leather waiting area I was called in to pitch. Coffees and cookies were brought in by various assistants and I wow’d the room of Derch bankers and financial advisors.
At the end I felt confident I nailed everything and was expecting clapping or praise only to hear
Banker: Sounds great but we heard this exact pitch this morning
Me: Really, how?
Banker: Prince Johan came in this morning and pitched us with Filbert Laaf, they had the same exact idea and narrative. We told them while it was all great and perfect it was missing the expertise of someone who understands venture capital and that they need to find someone in Nellerland to run things operationally.
Me: Interesting. Well, I definitely know how to operationally run things maybe I could work together with Prince Johan and Filbert since we’re all supposed to work together anyhow under my arrangement. That is of course why I am here in Nellerlands
<the entire room of bankers laugh>
Me: What?
Banker: Are you serious?
Me: Yes
Banker: Why would the Derch people, the money of the Derch people and the pensions of the Derch people pay an American to manage their money? Surely we would want a Derch person to do it. Why pay an American management fees with public money? It doesn’t make sense.
While I was appreciating the bluntness—my brain was still on four minutes before that. how did Filbert get my pitchdeck I finished at 11pm last night? by the morning? The banker continued….
Banker: Look we told HRH Prince Johan and Filbert what we will also tell you: find us someone smart enough, who is local, to manage a fund like this and we will do it. Otherwise thank you for your time Ms. Taylor.
Take a holiday and try to relax you are in Europe now
Besides the betrayal of Filbert trying to pitch my idea behind my back to the largest bank I have been working with, as much as that should have made me angry I was more angry at the fact that if Filbert and the PRINCE of the country are deemed not smart enough to run venture capital here… then who was?
And if there was never the intention of hiring me, what was I still doing here in Amsterdam?
It dawned on me—its not that the Derch don’t care, they care, they just don’t care about ME.
I flashed back to the weekend working on the pitchdeck, eating ramen, nodding off as I was typing while Filbert was at home or golfing and another revelation surfaced: the Derch are getting copies of every single thing I’m working on my computer while in the government building. Has to be.
That’s why Filbert doesn’t have to work as hard, that’s why he had my deck by morning. That’s why they only pop by at certain times when I’m not typing or producing more documents for them. That’s why they are always pressuring me to work from the office— they’re getting copies of everything electronically. That’s also why they don’t know what termsheets are because I no longer work on them. Can’t steal documents I don’t have. No one is working because I’m doing the work!
Fool Me Once
So now what? No matter how hard I work there is not place for me here as an American and probably never was. The Derch are parasites sucking off my venture capital knowledge and my friends in Swiss are close to killing me for always working. New York is furious at me they can’t understand all the hold ups. Is it worth it? Should I continue to be played? What am I doing in Amsterdam?
En route from the bank back to my office I start praying on making life changes. Maybe I should just do work life balance? Maybe enjoy Europe for a little bit more then go back to New York? Take a job at a Swiss bank instead and skip the Derch?
There were six months left on my government contract and if I left now there could be penalties not to mention reputational damage—them calling me a quitter. Quickly I came up with a solution that would make everyone happy: I would spend more time with my friends in Switzerland including my boyfriend and just do bare min work so the Derch couldn’t mooch off me.
I waved hi to the girls at the front desk reception before getting an audio message from my boyfriend Pierre
“Hi Ella I hope your presentation went well. I didn’t want to say anything before and ruin it but after you skipped this weekend it was the last straw for me. We’re done. I’m super sorry its just too stressful for me and all you do is work.
This is probably for the best. I’ll keep your things here don’t worry you can grab then in a couple weeks. Much love, Pierre”
By the time I rolled back into my office suite I was single. No bank contract, no wall street glory, no boyfriend. I was losing all the wars.
Without hesitation I knew what I needed to do next.
I create a fake investor memo with a made up words and made copies of them in the hallway machine, being completely obvious and noticeable before walking back to my desk the long way. I looked over to the Prince’s office to see the small royal team, including Filbert all of a sudden check their computers and open the document up.
I jumbled the terms enough this should keep them out of my hair and busy for weeks. Two can play this game.
#venturecapital
#50bnElephant
#NVCA